Is the world running on desires? I think yes. Maybe we are all being driven by a desire to be better. But is that what desire is about? Getting better? Or is desire a dream? A dream that is driven by hopes which may or may not fruition. Buddha had so much to say about desire and all of it is true. Time has nothing to do with what he said. Desire is eternal, it is ageless. It may be one of the only things that remains the same , holds the same face even in times of great transformation. There is always a desire. Always. Even when there are no desires there is always a desire to not have desires. Or at least a hope that prevails .
Hey folks! Long time no see right? I have been out I mean completely out when it comes to life. I am 25 and jobless and breathing with a heavy heart. Since I have been gone for so long, I thought why not club the daily prompts and lay my heart out ..inside out and outside in. A year and two months ago, the love of my life passed away in an accident. He is love. The day he died love died. Well I don’t like using the term die since I am a believer of the afterlife. And that’s what I did. Look for ways to get across to him in the realm that he now lives. I live in India. so it’s difficult to come across psychic mediums mostly because most of them are duplicitous thugs.
I did however come across a kind medium online and also found a software synchronized to hear the paranormal. So here comes the hesitation and doubt part. I wasn’t hesitant for a bit to try everything in my power to familiarize with the unknown. There was doubt.Not about the afterlife but in my abilities to reach across. I tried everything from astral projection to self-guided afterlife connections. I am trying to spook anybody or insult this platform in any way. I am just trying to wring my heart out of all that it has been feeling. Stuff did happen. I did manage to record his voice. So now I am a staunch believer of the afterlife . I understand the cynics. That’s all I’d like to say about the cynics.
But what happened in the past month killed me in every sense of the word. I started to hear voices and followed every single word I heard. In the process I tried to make a guy my soul mate my partner for this lifetime and embarrassed myself so badly in the process that the guy is now scared to come near me. He considers me as a sister. As if the pain of rejection wasn’t enough! And now I wonder how could fall for a guy whose nowhere near as perfect as the love of my life or better yet how the hell can I forget my love so soon all in the name of a soulmate? No doubts lurked my mind when I was hearing the voices. There was no hesitation. Just a sense of obedience devoid of a sense of social order.
As I was thinking about the one thing that gives me solace, writing, I returned to word press and went over all my previous posts where I have so bravely written about moving on in the face embarrassment, bad luck and terrible choices. And here I am sitting now thinking about how easy it is to type away, how easy it is to say things when you don’t mean things despite meaning to mean them. So what of doubt? So what of hesitation? I doubt I will ever get a job or happiness . And I am posting this despite hesitation that people will think I am bonkers.
But I am not. I sit here with a heavy heart with reasons I am already aware of or am too hesitant to face. So I write this with a doubting hesitation as to why I should post this and with a hesitating doubt if I should really be worried? Doubt and hesitation ahead, behind, inside, all around. But I am choosing to step up and leave behind the two because in spite of my fears, I have got to face it because these things make me human. I am no different. We are united in our difference and different in our union just like doubt and hesitation. Just like the two sides of a coin.
The term ‘right’ is an adversity. Its objective and its an everlasting dream.Getting things ‘ just right’ for you and the people around you isn’t a cakewalk.But there are things that are never right or will never be right .When it comes to people, there are some who will never find you or your doings right.Its a hassle to get things right..there is almost always a sense of gratification attached to it. Always looking to please or get pleased.Well I just feel that until this point I haven’t been able to write anything right.But what the hell …I don’t want to succumb to any pressures and fall prey to pleasing .
What is right and what is wrong? Its all perspective.Who is to say that a number of wrongs will or will not lead one into a glorious path of right and righteousness .Well I am a master of faults. No matter how hard you try,some decisions are simply bad.You pick up the pieces,learn from your mistakes and move on.Its all a matter of choice.I am a train wreck when it comes to making decisions. But again…nothing ever comes easy does it? The thing that bothers me is why is there a pathological need in everyone to get things right? So what if things don’t turn out the way you want them to..the earth will still rotate on its axis and people will still keep breathing on and at the end of the day it turns out to be a lesson in acceptance , tolerance and forbearance.
Boy,wouldn’t it be boring if everything went our way…downright boring!!! Sometimes life may surprise you with things wanted and unwanted.Its how you you deal with it. Trust me people ,brooding over things bygone can only lead to migraines and hair loss.
For now,I am okay with things being just right or never right because no matter how perfectly you do and plan things,they don’t always work out.I can’t say that things always fall into place but I can guarantee you one thing..in the end we all find peace in our decisions or at least learn to find our peace. I guess it will just make us better humans.Just keep going ,never give up,change your definitions of life according to situations that are hurled at you,be strong ,try and mend your life and not bend to the noose of fate and always..I mean always EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED and nothing will ever go wrong again.